i used to want butterflies.. now i want breakfast

I used to think love was supposed to feel huge all the time, like dramatic declarations, surprise dates, airport reunions, kissing in the rain, all the stuff movies taught us to expect when we were 12 and deeply unqualified to understand any of it. And obviously I still love all of that, I am not above a grand gesture, I am literally planning a wedding, but I think the older I get the more I realize the part of love that actually gets me is the tiny boring stuff, the things that happen so often you almost stop noticing them.

The way somebody knows what you want from the store without asking, the way they know when you are tired before you say it, the way they make the same breakfast for you, the way your charger gets plugged in at night because they know you will forget, the way you both watch the same show every night and somehow that becomes part of the structure of your life. I think that is the part nobody really warns you about, love is repetition, but not boring repetition, more like ritual, the same jokes, the same places, the same little habits, the same person sitting next to you while you both do completely separate things, and somehow those ordinary things start feeling more intimate than anything dramatic ever could.

I used to think romance had to be visible

I think when you are younger, romance is very performative because most of the examples you see are visible, flowers, dates, anniversaries, gifts, captions, pictures, all the things other people can see and immediately label as romantic. And again, I love all of that, but I think some of the most romantic things in my life would look like absolutely nothing to anyone else.

Someone remembering which drink I like when I am sick, someone knowing what topic will pull me out of a bad mood, someone sitting in the same room with me while I ramble about something that does not matter at all, someone knowing I am overwhelmed before I have even figured out how to say it. That is the kind of thing that makes me feel the most loved now, and it is so unglamorous, which honestly makes me like it more.

being known is weird but I think I like it

There is something really strange about getting close enough to someone that they know all your habits and little tells and weird preferences, they know what mood you are in based on one facial expression, they know what you are going to order, they know which story you are about to tell, they know when you are about to complain about something before you even start, and somehow instead of making it feel less romantic, it makes it feel more real.

I think that is the part I used to miss when I thought about relationships, I thought romance was about being impressed by someone, and now I think it is more about being familiar with someone and still wanting them there. That feels bigger to me because there is nowhere to hide in familiarity, there is just this person seeing the same version of you over and over and still choosing to stay close.

I still want the movie moments, obviously…..

I am still a hopeless romantic, I still want flowers, dates, cute little notes, anniversaries that feel special, random surprises, all of that, but I think I understand now that the montage is not the whole movie. The actual relationship is everything in between, the grocery runs, the tired nights, the dumb arguments, the random drives, the same TV show again, the five-minute conversations that somehow fix your whole mood, the unplanned little routines that become yours without either of you deciding they were going to.

That is probably the part I love the most now, the way love can become so normal without becoming less special. It is not always fireworks, sometimes it is literally just somebody making you food and plugging in your charger and knowing when to leave you alone for a second, and somehow that still feels romantic because it is yours.

maybe forever is just a lot of ordinary days

I used to think forever sounded huge, and now I think maybe it is actually just a lot of normal days stacked on top of each other, some really good, some boring, some stressful, some funny, some where nothing happens at all. And somehow choosing the same person through all of them is what makes it romantic.

That idea feels way more comforting to me than the idea that love has to constantly feel exciting or perfect or cinematic. I do not think I want a relationship that feels like a movie every day, I think I want a life that feels like mine, with someone in it who knows all the tiny details, the routines, the moods, the little things, and somehow still wants to be there for all of it.

xoxo,
Sunday Girl