burnt out but still creating (somehow)

there are days when i wake up and the thought of creating something makes me feel tired before i even move. it’s like my brain is a room full of smoke after the fire’s already burned out and i keep trying to fan it back to life but nothing catches. i stare at old projects or photos or ideas and wonder how i ever had the energy to make them in the first place. sometimes i even start thinking maybe that version of me is gone for good

it’s strange because being creative is supposed to be the part of me that feels the most alive. it’s how i make sense of everything. it’s how i breathe when words don’t work. but then there are these quiet periods where it all just stops working and i’m left sitting there with nothing but my own head.

i’ve started calling it an outburn instead of burnout because that’s what it feels like. not a clean stop or a crash just this slow leaking of color. like someone turned down the brightness on life a little too much. everything feels kind of dull and i start forcing myself to come up with ideas that don’t even feel like mine anymore.

the thing is i used to fight it. i used to get mad at myself for not being productive or inspired or full of ideas like i was doing something wrong by resting. but then i realized maybe the outburn is part of the process too. maybe creativity isn’t supposed to be constant. maybe it’s supposed to fade sometimes so you can see what’s actually left when the noise goes quiet.

so when it hits now i let it. i give myself permission to stop trying for a little while. i go on long drives with no destination just music and air. i take my camera but don’t make myself use it. i watch movies i’ve already seen a hundred times. i make matcha and sit with my cats and let them remind me that just existing is enough sometimes.

and somewhere in between all that doing nothing the spark comes back. not as loud or dramatic as before just small things at first. like seeing a shadow fall across a wall and thinking it looks like something. or hearing a lyric that makes me want to write again. or remembering why i started doing any of this in the first place.

it’s not about getting over burnout anymore it’s about learning how to move with it. how to let it teach me something instead of punishing myself for feeling it. i think that’s the real creative rhythm. not always producing but also knowing when to rest. knowing when to just live and feel and exist without needing to make it into content right away.

sometimes i think the best thing you can do for your art is step away from it. go outside. call someone you love. cry if you need to. take pictures of things that mean nothing. and then when you’re ready come back to it and you’ll realize it never really left you it was just waiting for you to catch your breath.

so this is me catching mine. and if you’re reading this maybe it’s your turn too.

xoxo
lisita